There’s A Communist Living In The White House

I admit to having never been a big fan of Saturday Night Live.

And what passes for political humor on the show nowadays, as well as in it’s glory days, never struck me as all that funny.

Which may have been because they seemed to favor making conservatives look like buffons, and liberals look like rocket scientists.

I will also admit that I may have been missing something, as shown here by SNL alum Victoria Jackson:

Bones Benefit From Beer

In a recent edition of the Journal of the Science of Food and Agriculture, researchers from the University of California at Davis have found that beer is a significant source of silicone, which helps increase bone density.

Somebody tell Sally Field, who’s always yakking about osteoporosis,  to put down the BONIVA and pick up a Budweiser.

President Romney: 2009 Just a Bad Dream

Americans woke up to the reassuring voice of President Mitt Romney this morning, suddenly realizing that 2009 had just been one long, bad dream.

“I know a lot of you had the same dream I had,” said Romney, “Barack Obama was elected President and Joe Biden was Vice President. Vice President Fred Thompson and I would like to assure you that all is well.”

Romney explained that GM’s begging for a bailout and subsequent bankruptcy never happened. Instead, GM is a thriving company thanks to the easing of federal regulations that made it impossible to build an affordable car or put gas in it. In fact, Pontiac, GM’s number-one selling brand, has just introduced the new 2010 GTO, a retro-styled performance coupe with a 455 cubic inch V-8 power plant. Pre-sale orders are already through the roof.

The economy is also in much better shape than Americans dreamed, thanks to the war in Iraq. The Romney administration finally faced reality and took control of Iraqi oil wells. The profit paid off war expenses, rebuilt Iraqi infrastructure, and, when paired up with domestic oil drilling, brought the price of crude oil down significantly. Combined with incentives to refineries and a reduction in the gas tax to a barely necessary three cents per gallon, Romney’s programs have allowed retailers to sell gas at 78 cents per gallon again.

As a result, all industries used the reduction in overhead to expand and add thousands of new jobs.

The housing market is also still quite healthy according to Romney. Unlike the horrific collapse of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac in our nation’s nightmare, government de-regulation of the mortgage industry allowed lenders to deny loans to people who couldn’t afford houses. The result was a healthy apartment market and a housing market with plentiful availability of quality houses at reasonable prices.

Vice President Thompson was instrumental in ushering an era of peace into the middle-east after several meetings with Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, who is in good health. Thanks to a coordinated multilateral effort, the Palestinian Authority was removed from power, Hamas was exterminated, and the remaining Palestinians had their rights and privileges restored in Israel, allowing them to resume their Israeli jobs. Those who could not integrate back into society were given moving expenses and an allowance for decent housing in Iran.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell lauded the amount of quiet in the middle east region ever since Mahmoud Ahmedinejad and seven of his successors fell to sniper bullets. Iran’s leader has stayed quiet since and even goes as far as not to identify himself.

Not all of the dream was made up. Michael Jackson is still dead and the Gosselins still hate each other. Neither story got much coverage in the mainstream media, however, as they were too busy congratulating NASCAR driver Jimmy Johnson for winning his sixth straight Cup and the Nobel Peace Prize for foiling a terrorist attack on American soil.

Democrats are scrambling to find a worthy challenger to Romney and Thompson, especially after frontrunner Barack Obama was caught illegally diverting funds to the defunct, fraudulent community organization ACORN and Joe Biden was caught cheating on his wife with a guy. Nancy Pelosi was planning to announce her candidacy before she fell into a mulch-shredding machine.

At this juncture, it appears the Democrats will be pinning their hopes on Rod Blagojevich.

 

See more of the best political satire at The Endive

Googleless China Makes Urgent Plea for Searching Help

The Chinese government made a desperate plea for help after Google ceased operations in the country, leaving them unable to find a damn thing.

Streets were crowded with people who had no clue how to reach their destinations, families lost contact with each other, pizzas went unordered, and perhaps most disturbing, more than one child per family may have been conceived.

“We have done our best to set up emergency help centers,” said Chinese President Hu Jintao, “However, we set them up online and nobody can find them or figure out how to contact them. It’s best if you just stay in your homes. America, please help us! Send us one of your heroes like Superman or Batman or Elvis or Judge Reinhold. We would contact ourselves, but we can’t even find pictures of them.”

Google pulled out of China this week after the company became frustrated with the country’s heavy censorship.

“Google is an all-or-nothing deal,” said Google CEO Eric Schmidt, “If you want maps, pictures, video, thousands of blogs, Gmail, everybody’s phone number, pictures of their houses, and every last bit of information in existence; you’ll have to agree to sift through a few web sites that mention the word ‘vagina.’ It’s just a fact of life. No unmentionables, no Google.”

Jintao, while making desperate pleas for help, did not back down from his desire to censor Google.

“Google flagrantly disregards the values that China holds dear,” said Jintao, “So, while we find ourselves suffering because we can’t locate the web page that tells us whether or not Abe Vigoda is dead, we still cannot give up on our fundamental values. Namely, we cannot let Google continue to show us search results that include words like ‘tromboner’ and ‘dipthong.’”

Jintao also expressed displeasure at the alarming number of web sites listed on Google that depict families with more than one child.

“Damn you, Coach Lubbock and your ‘Just the Ten of Us,’” said Jintao, “You will rot in hell alongside the man named Brady who married a harem of unnaturally blond women.”

President Obama pledged to send help to China immediately.

“We owe it to our Asian friends to help them through this crisis,” said Obama, “That is why I’m prepared to go to China, bow down to Mr. Jintao and kiss his ring.”

The President almost left before he remembered what he was going to China for.

“Oh yeah,” said Obama, “There was more than just the bowing part. We’ll also set him up with an emergency search alternative. I’m sure we can find a bunch of Yahoos who can help out.”

For more great political satire, be sure to visit The Endive

Our Favorite Obama Movies

The past few nights, we have been having some fun with #hashtags on Twitter, and we thought we would bring the fun to our readers of the Freedom Medium.

We aren’t claiming credit for this being one of our own original works, but we wanted to pass it along to our readers as a method of supporting the arts.

We are doing this article in an open-thread style, leave a comment on which Obama movie is your favorite, or tell us about one of your favorites.

Here is a partial list of our favorite Obama movies, in no particular order:

Dude,Where’s My Czar?

All Quiet On The Economic Front

Obama Python and the Epic Phail

Saving George Soros

Commie Dearest

There’s Nothing About Barry

Swindler’s List

Too Fast Too Fascist

Obamalypse Now

Barack To The Future

There’s Something About Alinsky

Saving Private Healthcare

The Manchild Who Would Be King

Sleeping with Our Enemies

Phantom Of The Oprah

Porous Stump

The Good, The Bad, And The Socialist

Barefoot In The Pork

The Diarrhea Of Barney Frank

Terms Of Entitlements

Nightmare On K Street

All The President’s Madmen

Lost In Taxation

Obama Jones and The Fox Crusade

 

That’s it for now.

Grab some popcorn, send us a comment on which one is your favorite, and if there is one that you know about that we missed, be sure to let us know.

The Day Obamacare Died: Obama Concedes The Death Of Health Care Reform

What caused the death of Obamacare?

Some will claim it was the actions of Tea Party attendees.

Others will say it was people speaking out against health care “reform” at town hall meetings.

Perhaps, as happened when Hillary Clinton tried a similar scheme when Bill was President, the more facts that people learned about the plan, the less they liked it.

It might have been the failure of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid to gain the support of the “Blue Dog Democrats.”

Radio talk show hosts, such as Rush Limbaugh, spending hundreds of hours revealing the hidden details, may have been a factor.

Rationed care, euthanasia counseling, an enormous pricetag, and the fact that some numbskull who couldn’t get a job at the DMV was now going to be deciding your medical treatment also entered into the equation.

Regardless of the reasons, at least President Obama left us a reminder of his eforts:

The 7 Wonders of Communism

Communism sure is a miraculous system. When I heard the following I was reminded of George Orwell’s 1984.

The 7 Wonders of Communism (AKA, Socialism)

1. Everybody holds a job.

2. Even though everybody holds a job, no one actually works.

3. Even though no one actually works, the production plans are being fulfilled.

4. Even though the production plans are being fulfilled, there are shortages.

5. Even though there are shortages, one can somehow obtain everything.

6. Even though one can somehow obtain everything, everybody keeps stealing things from the state.

7. Even though everybody keeps stealing things from the state, there was enough for everyone.

This satirical account of the Communist system has been disseminated throughout Eastern Europe where Communism bankrupted and led to the destruction of the Soviet Union and its economy.

President Obama’s Favorite Beatles Songs

I’ll bet that most of you didn’t even know that the President was a fan of the Fab Four.

See, you people really have to start paying attention!

Not only is Barack Obama a fan of the lads from Liverpool, it’s uncanny just how much some of Beatles’ greatest hits seem like they were written specifically for the President.

Of course, all of this is simply my own opinion.

I suppose when Janet Napolitano and her thugs at the Department Of Homeland Security come to haul me off to a federal prison for having the audicity to exercise my First Amendment rights, I will officially be labeled as a domestic terrorist.

However, if all of us who disagree with the President become silent, then we truly will have become a “nation of cowards.”

So, having said that , here are my choices for the President’s favorite Beatles songs:

“I’ve lost someone near to me.”
No, not Nancy Pelosi threating to bolt from the ranks over the health care public option.
The trust and respect of the American people.
“Pride comes be-fore a fall.”
Mr. President, don’t let your pride be your downfall.
Admit that this current health care proposal stinks, and tell America it’s time to start over.

Now, for these next two, you have to pay close attention to the words to understand how they are appropriate:

“Money don’t get everything it’s true, but what it don’t get I can’t use.”
I think that pretty much sums up the President’s feelings.

Finally, the last one explains how the President plans on paying for everything.
This one is prophetic:

In Defense of ACORN

It sure has been a tough couple of weeks for the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now (ACORN).  First they had 11 Miami employees arrested September 9th on voter fraud charges, then the first “Big Pimpin’” video was released to BigGovernment.com the next day.  Since then there have been two more big pimpin’ videos, the Census Bureau has cut ties with ACORN, the Senate has voted to cut housing funding to ACORN, and a whole bunch of local investigations into the organization have begun.

All of this has been a long time comin’ for the criminal enterprise ACORN, but with all of the beatings they are taking since the release of the big pimpin’ videos, there is one point I have to raise in defense of ACORN.

At least the pimp and the prostitute that are portrayed in the latest videos can afford the mortgage payments they are applying for! This is a big difference from the usual ACORN Housing situation where ACORN coerces a bank or lending institution into giving mortgages to people who cannot afford them. That is the practice that led to the housing market crash and the ensuing financial crisis that has resulted in our current recession.

Admittedly this is not a powerful defense for ACORN given the content of the big pimpin’ videos, but in all reality there is no defense for this organization. What has been revealed is just how versatile and pervasive a criminal enterprise ACORN is. Thankfully the work of James O’Keefe and Hannah Giles has resulted in more reprecussions than Republican congressmen and senators have been able to inflict on ACORN for years now. And James O’Keefe’s conduct since the first tape was released has been nothing short of heroic. Let’s hope for the country’s sake that the pressure continues to be turned up on ACORN until the nuts crack.

Vote For Your Favorite Barack Obama Theme Song

Little ditties have long been a part of Presidential campaigns, but I don’t think there has ever been a actual theme song for a President before.

We HOPE to CHANGE that.

After all, a man who is dedicating his term of office to vastly increasing the federal defecit, increasing the taxes we pay for utilities, providing planned euthansia under the guise of health care, and generally is working as hard as he can to turn the United States into his vision of a Socialist utopia, it seems that the least we can do is honor the man with his own song.

And in the spirit of democracy, (while it still exists), we are going to ask our readers to pick the winner.

Our first nominee is from early in the Barack administration:

We owe a hat tip to our friend The Pencil Minstrel for the second choice.
This song is also a nominee for the Domestic Tranquility Act.

It is only fitting that our last nominee comes to us courtesy of our good friend, the Doctor of Democracy, Rush Limbaugh.

So there you have it, we have tried to include every point of view.

If you are a fan of Obama’s tactics of trying to discredit or destroy anyone who stands in his way, vote for number one.

If you are a member of the Kool-Aid Brigade, still delusional enough to think that Obama has your best interests at heart, vote for number two.

Finally, if you are what Nancy Pelosi calls a Nazi because you are arrogant enough to ask questions, and demand answers about the health care reform bill, vote for number three.

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